Totally Marry Me I’m Jodie Marsh

MTV UK is holding auditions for a reality show where the winner gets to marry Page 3 Girl Jodie Marsh. Here is the official announcement, official website (www.marryjodiemarsh.com), a husband application and some promotional photos.

Now, if you are a horny single guy, do you really want to marry Jodie Marsh? Not bang her (that’s a no brainer), really marry her in a very real and legally binding sense after being embarrassed on television in front of millions? There is no easy answer. But we’ll try to break it down.

Let’s assume you actually will marry Jodie Marsh (highly unlikely - I’ll put it at only 5% with a 99% chance of being annulled within a week. They will come up with some b.s. to avoid an official marriage.) for just a moment. Aside from seeing her topless a couple times a month for the past few years, I know nothing about Jodie Marsh. Thank God for Wikipedia. Here is some info about her life from Wikipedia:

In December 2006, Marsh announced her engagement to Brentwood DJ David Doyle, after a fairytale romance of eleven days. Eschewing the traditional engagement ring, Marsh instead opted to have Doyle’s full name tattooed about her hand and the couple soon appeared together in OK! magazine announcing their plan to marry in a fetish ceremony. The relationship ended some time between late December and mid January with Doyle blaming Marsh’s constant drinking and poor personal hygiene for the break-up. Jodie claimed that Doyle had been unfaithful. Marsh has since had her tattoo transformed into a tribal band with rosary beads.

Her “constant drinking and poor personal hygiene”, huh? Good times. Alright I’m out. She is completely insane. Clearly. But wait, there’s more:

Prior to this Marsh was having a sexual relationship with two men, which she describes as a “threesome relationship.” This ended when their respective girlfriends found out, though Marsh claims to have enjoyed the experience, and would prefer to be with five men next time. In her autobiography she wrote about an earlier experience, where she spent five hours having sex with a group of four men and another woman in a barn.

That last sentence sums it up perfectly. If you want to go gonzo in a barn for five hours, Jodie Marsh might be the best choice. But no guy should want to marry her. Jodie’s smoking body and liberal sexual attitude will get old very, very quickly with the kind of baggage she is carrying. Total chaos.

So marriage is absolutely, positively out of the question. But is there any angle for this that would be worth it? Sure there is. What if the name of the show was “Will you let me fellate you when I’m drunk, bored, lonely, and horny during the umpteenth week of this stupid show, I’m Jodie Marsh!” Based on her track record, I’ll go all-in with those odds any day of the fucking week. That shit is going to happpen just because some lucky bastard is hanging around when Jodie’s hormones kick in after fifth of Morgan’s. Every guy knows a girl like that. You just need to be around when the chemicals hit the right balance and you are in. So get your piece and then get voted off the show IMMEDIATELY. That’s very important. You want to run, not walk, away. That’s my advice.

If anyone is reading this that lives in the UK and gets on the show, drop me a note.  Best of luck.