Alaina Alexander Nude Photos Not My Definition of Nude

Everyone just calm down. This isn’t another Antonella Barba situation. The press is all fired up for another “American Idol Scandal.” As the great Frank Drebin once said, “There is nothing to see here.” I’ll save everyone the trouble right now so that they don’t have to waste five minutes of their life that they will never get back - like I just did.

The pictures are on her MySpace Page if you don’t trust me. She is not naked. She is wearing a top that shows cleavage in three of the pictures (the best one is below). The alleged naked photo - it is of her back. I’m completely serious. Her friggin back! That’s not naked. I guess wearing an evening gown, a strapless dress or a bikini qualifies as naked now too then. We are living in a nudist colony and I didn’t even know it. This must be what Neo felt like after he took the red pill.

I think everyone would agree that Maxim doesn’t have naked chicks, right? I’ll go as far as half-naked. Well, these pictures are exactly what you would see in Maxim if:

1. They were of relatively poor quality. They are.
2. The girls weren’t very hot. She’s not.
3. The captions were not funny. Her poor attempts at humor are, well, poor.

Aside from those three remarkably glaring differences, her pictures are exactly what you would see in Maxim.

So just to recap - SHE IS NOT NAKED. If she appears in Playboy then she’ll be naked. If she stars in “Alaina Alexander loves Rocco” then she’ll be naked (and then some!). Until then, these are not the pictures you’re looking for.