Kim Kardashian Superstar Review

I watched “Kim Kardashian Superstar” this morning. I thought it sucked. Forget thumbs up or thumbs down. I’m giving “Kim K Superstar” the finger. Here is the breakdown:

• Way overproduced. Incredibly so. Too much bad music. Too many cut scenes between them on the town and them in the bedroom. And far too little actual sex. I also think they looped some footage to extend the video. Remember in the original Battlestar Galactica show because of a really tight budget they used those same four scenes of the Cylon fighter blowing up over and over again? Same deal. They repeat a clip in slo-mo with different audio. It is really lame. However, the lighting during the sex scenes is so poor that I suppose I could be wrong. The lesson here - if a scene is shot so badly that you honestly can’t be certain if you’d seen it before, that’s not a good thing.
• Kim is a terrible porn star. She has a tremendous body but seems pretty lame in the rack. I didn’t see any skills I would say fall into the plus category. The worst part is she never shuts up. The brilliance of a real porn star is knowing when to act it up without overdoing it. Kim has no such talent. Instead, she moans “OH BABY” and “OH SHIT”, the whole goddamn time. For Christ’s sake, you need to pick your spots or it just becomes tedious.
• She keeps her bra on during most of the sex. WTF is up with that? Keeley Hazell did the same thing. When did this become fashionable? And why didn’t I get the memo? Who thinks it is good idea to prevent your best assets from swinging freely? If this is some new trend starting, it needs to stop right now. I don’t like it one bit.
• Finally, it is totally staged. There is no doubt this was made for public consumption. There is lots of talking to camera and other strange things that you wouldn’t do if this was purely for personal use as we would be lead to believe.

The verdict: Don’t buy it and unless you are really bored don’t even bother downloading it. This isn’t turning Kim Kardashian into a superstar.