Actresses I Want To See Naked
January 27th, 2007 Comments | Permalink | Del.icio.us | DiggWhere has all the gratuitous nudity gone? Today’s young actress just doesn’t feel compelled to give us what we want. Somewhere they got this crazy idea that you can’t be taken seriously if you get naked on the big screen. You hear them all spouting the same shit. My response: Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Connelly, and Halle Berry. All Oscar winners. All with Hall of Fame nudity scenes on their resumes. So the following young starlets need to get with the program and show some skin before no one wants to see them naked:
| Scarlett Johansson She says she is ready. If she agrees to be the lead in the Jenna Jameson movie, the wait is surely over. You can’t possibly make that movie without nudity, right? Um, right? That would be like making a Marion Barry movie with no crack or a Michael Jackson movie with no plastic surgery. |
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| Jessica Biel I don’t know what is taking so long. She poses virtually nude in that Gear magazine spread to shed the 7th Heaven image but then has been slow to complete the cycle. That was 2000. What’s the hold up? Her body is ridiculous. My buddy described her as having “man shoulders.” Well yeah, she is jacked but I don’t think anyone is confusing her with Chyna. |
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| Jessica Alba The poster child for twenty-somethings that refuse to admit they get roles because they are gorgeous. Alba is openly resentful that she always seems to get roles as a sex kitten and insists on a no-nudity clause in all of her contracts. How about a reality check? You better make all the money you can now, because you aren’t playing Lady Macbeth when you are 40. Wanna see how fast it can all go away? Just look at Dane Cook. |
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| Natalie Portman Dear Natalie - I know you are super serious (SNL Gangsta Rap aside). I know you are all smarty Harvard educated. And I know you have told us before you were going to get naked, shot the scenes, and then had the director drop them on the floor. Until I see the goods, I just don’t trust you anymore. Maybe a bowl of hot grits would you loosen you up. Just a suggestion. |
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| Megan Fox The least well known of the bunch, but you can make a strong argument she is the best. When I emailed this picture to my friend, the reply I got was simply “damn…” That pretty much says it all. Luckily, this is only a matter of time. She seems completely wild. Let’s just forget the fact that she’s engaged to David from 90210 and move on. |
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| Rachel Bilson Now that The O.C. is cancelled the odds on Rachel showing skin just went way up. It is awfully tough to make the transition from the small screen to the big screen, unless it is straight to video, Skinemax style. Let us pray. |
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Honorable Mentions:
Women I used to want to see naked but now they have gotten too skinny category:
Kate Bosworth, Mischa Barton, the Olsen Twins. Please eat copious amounts of trans fat ASAP.
I’ve seen you flashing your sloppy naked body parts enough that the novelty has worn off category:
Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. What a waste. Especially, Lindsay. She could have been a contender.
August 6th, 2007 at 12:00 am
megan fox is the sexiest of the lot
October 14th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I’d love to see Hayden panettiere’s vagina in a movie, at least a full frontal, since producers are afraid of showing the “vagina”.
October 14th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Yeah, producers only show male nudity nowdays, even in pg13 movies you can see a male totally naked, so what about start showing some famele butts for a change ?
December 17th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
I agree that Britney Spears is now out, but since Lindsay Lohan has gone half way already, how about just one full frontal. Having a movie where you play a stripper that doesn’t show the goods is just a tease
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:11 pm
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